Surfing the Urge - Riding the Waves of Emotion

Disclaimer: The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Do not rely on this material to make personal, legal, or any other decisions.

1️⃣ “You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf” -Jon Kabat-Zinn

Fuller and Fitter (2020) suggest different methods for mindful parenting, one of which is surfing the urge. One thing that stood out to me in the steps involved is having a visual of a wave or a surfer riding a wave - that’s where this post was inspired. Relating the ups and downs of emotions and urges to the rises and falls of waves and having a visual representation just solidifies the whole idea and practice, at least for me. Feelings will always come and go - this is a normal part of human life, a range of emotions from pain to pleasure to anger and fear and everything in between.

2️⃣ “Ask yourself, if I act on this urge will it bring me closer or further away from the person and life I want?” (Harris, 2019)

Russ Harris (2019) says that whenever you have an urge, or emotion which triggers an urge or impulse, you have two choices: act on it or don’t act on it. Harris (2019) also mentions that the first step is observing and acknowledging this urge.

3️⃣ “1. Observe

2. Acknowledge

3. Expand and breathe; ride the waves

4. Do what matters” (Harris, 2019)

Expanding and breathing and riding the waves takes a lot of skill. It takes the skill of contacting the present moment, unhooking from unhelpful thoughts, acknowledging your difficult thoughts and accepting that they are there, knowing that no matter how big the feelings get that you are able to hold space for them, reassuring yourself that you are safe and able to view these thoughts from a safe place, connecting with your values of knowing the type of person you want to be and the life you want to live in the long-term, and acknowledging that these thoughts are difficult and they are not necessarily fact.

Here at Engie Martin Health & Wellness we approach behaviour-change with methods based on Acceptance and Commitment Training - that is, introducing skills to increase psychological flexibility.

4️⃣ “Ask yourself, what action can I take right now to bring me closer towards the life I want?” (Harris, 2019)

Even a step such as, not giving into the urge or feeling if it will take you away from the type of life you want to lead, is a step in service of your goals that would bring you closer to the life you want.

5️⃣ “No matter how big the waves get, I know that I have room for it” (Harris, 2019)

There are specific steps involved that include naming and acknowledging your feeling and emotion (Singh et al., 2019). It is a hard practice, which is why it’s riding the waves - it will go up and down.

References

Fuller, J. L., & Fitter, E. A. (2020). Mindful parenting: a behavioral tool for parent well-being. Behavior analysis in practice, 13(4), 767-771.

Harris, R. (2019). ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy. New Harbinger Publications.

Singh, N. N., Lancioni, G. E., Karazsia, B. T., Myers, R. E., Kim, E., Chan, J., ... & Janson, M. (2019). Surfing the urge: An informal mindfulness practice for the self-management of aggression by adolescents with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 12, 170-177.